User:Jolkotin

Songs of Walkscape

That first Jarvonia tour by Gloria Raynor's I will survive

Inspired by how hard it is to gauge how dangerous exactly it is to wander far when you have just started - thanks for the musedom, Austria!

At first I was afraid, I was petrified 
kept thinking I could never go far south 'fore I levelified 
but I spent so many nights 
looking at all the map Unknowns 
and so I packed 
and ran off there just all alone 

And now I'm back 
from Azu' streets 
talked to a bunch of weird shopkeepers 
saw me tons of foreign sweets 
but one thing that drives me going 
it just keeps me up at night 
is that one big 5k backpack that I'm dying to call ALL MINE

Ode to Cape of the Trailblazer by Queen's Who wants to live forever

There's no trail for us
There's no blaze for us
What is this cape that builds our dreams
Yet slips awaaaay from us

Who wants to live forever?  Who wants to live forever?

There's low chance for us
This gear is optimal for us
These hills have only one sweet target
Set in the drops for us

Who wants to live forever? Who wants to live forever? 

But touch my steps with sandwich
Touch my flowing watch with your rare drop tips 
And we can loot forever
And we can walk forever*
The remains are ours today

Who wants to live forever? Who wants to live forever?
Who waits forever, anyway?

*) Or for approximately 640k steps.

I Miss The Sun by The Police's Every breath you take

Every move I make
Every step I take 
Each record I break 
Every single day
I'll make ghost goo-oo

Every breath I take
Even not awake
Every game I play
Every word I say
It's all ghost goo-ooo

I can't cross sea
No way south for me
How my poor heart aches
With every step I take

Every move I make
Every bank they break
Every saw I create
How much tries it takes
It's all ghost goo-oo 

With no Pass we've been blocked - can't south migrate
I dream at night, I just see my camel's face
I look around, but it's dunes I can't replace
I feel so cold, and I long for Sun's embrace
I keep appeasing spirits, spirits, please

Oh can't you see
Passage through for me
From this cool dewy place?
How many steps it takes 

Every move you make
Each record you break
For a quite few days
Every step you take
Is for ghost goo-oo

Box hunting by Ylvis: What does the fox say?

Wolf goes "woof", cats go "meow"
Bird goes "tweet" and dolph goes "squeeek" 
Deer goes "moo", mummy's croaked 
And the reindeers are just sweet 

Fake ducks say "quack", driftnet goes "blub" 
And Halfmaw is ow ow ow! 
But there's one sound that no one knows: 

What does the box say? 

Ring-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding! 
Gering-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding! 
Gering-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding? 

What the box say? 

Wa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pow!
Wa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pow! 
Wa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pow? 

What the box say?

Hatee-hatee-hatee-ho!
Hatee-hatee-hatee-ho!
Hatee-hatee-hatee-ho?

What the box say?

Joff-tchoff-tchoffo-tchoffo-tchoff!
Tchoff-tchoff-tchoffo-tchoffo-tchoff!
Joff-tchoff-tchoffo-tchoffo-tchoff?

What the box say?

Big wood mouth, pointy stick
Catching critters, pretty slick
Once set up, sloped uphill
You'll then be just standing still

You're catching thread
So beautiful
Like a present in disguise
But if you meet a horned horse
Will you communicate by
Mo-o-o-o-orse
Mo-o-o-o-orse
Mo-o-o-o-
How would you deal with that
"Ho-o-o-o-orse"
"Ho-o-o-o-orse"
"Ho-o-o-o-orse"?

What does the box say?

Secret of the box
Ancient mystery
Somewhere deep in the woods
I know you're hunting
What is your sound
Will we ever know
Will always be a mystery
What do you say?

You're patient but frail,
Shaking loose all that wood
What is your sound?
Will we ever know?
I want to
I want to,
I want to know!

The Helpful Herbert Botting Mini-FAQ FYI Intro

The Discord server has a Helpful Herbert bot who is very helpful. It works if your Discord account is linked on the portal webpage under 'Account': https://portal.walkscape.app

Update Apr 2026: set_flair is easier to use now and updates instantly, so you don't need to know the below parameters any more. Just run /set_flair and click on the options in messages Herbert sends you. The parts in cursive are therefore outdated.

Per Jan 2026, the Helpful Herbert bot supports 3 commands. To see them all, type /, scroll through any potential other bots that are less helpful to find the ones about Helpful Herbert, and you can see the commands he supports there.

The commands are used by typing them into any chat channel that Helpful Herbert is present on. Typically the commands will show response messages that are only visible to you, except in the case of flex where the point is to show off to others.

In order to interact with options, first type the command (or start of it), and then click on the suggestion. You will see the list of options it has, and you can click on the option name to select from a list of possible values instead of having to guess yourself. You cannot generally expect to just type these as words into the command, they must be magic selections from the list.

/flex allows you to show off your last used character's stats.The output of this command is printed to the channel you run the command on.

• One option: detailed - show more details.

/set_flair allows you to set little information after your name, such as your character's total steps taken.

• Two options: type: xp/value, rank or level - what to show, and flair: <ability>, total_xp, total_level, achievement_points or total_steps
• The command without correct values for at least flair will clear your flair setting.
• The results will be visible "in the next flair update cycle", so they are not instant.

/set_nick allows you to change your nickname on the server (the regular /nick command is disabled).

The little banners that people have for different Walkscape locations are set by admins manually, so leap at the opportunity when say Weasel asks who wants to tout their Jarvonian nature.

Trivia missing from wiki proper

Shrimp ring

The shrimp shirt shows the late Shrimp Ring, and a character finding shrimp in trash and frying it: https://merch.walkscape.app/product/shrimp-hoodie/

There were a number of old rings that were later turned into trinkets, like the Shrimp trinket. (Heron, eel, root and bat, in addition.)

The reason why shrimp and earlier also shrimp rings would show up in trash looting activities relates back to the days of very early beta. Lore has it that there was a tester who would gather a ton of shrimp, bring it to town and start cooking, and then all progress would get wiped and they would do it all over again.

Additionally, the originating artwork is documented at Illustrations and as a legacy to the epicness of shrimp, most of the current Sorgo-crafted artwork contains a hidden shrimp.

The reason the shrimp looks like it appears by magic during the shrimp preparation process by application of some kind of magic tool is more inspired by wondrous near-magical furniture construction instructions than by real historical events happening in the game.

Thanks cuddlycutlery, Afropig, Convi and Weasel for the carrying of the history!

Not A Periodical

Not a Periodical is a newspaper invented on May 25 2026 in Walkscape Discord to cover important and most importantly silly events in the game. It has a Discord forum thread.

Primary location: Guide:Not A Periodical

I'm using this page to store the "drafts" until they are published post-review in the guide page for more visibility (and business continuity).

Issue 3, July 2026

Editorial

(TODO: In the process of stories being compiled.)

Remember: You heard it here third!

The Camel Express package delivery service sparks at most academic curiosity

(With help from impartial interviewer Squigglyruth and correspondence consultant Bonez565.)

There has been rumors in the streets of a newfangled concept, and whispers in the woods of a mythical creature, who is said to ride a shiny festive reindeer and be able to deliver exactly what you need to where you are, recognizable by the chime of its bell and a "Who-ho-ho!" call to indicate a package has arrived.

Of course our astute team of investigative journalists know immediately that this kind of thing would have to be a hoax, as we know that given the current tense border situation and the bureaucracy and necessary permits involved simply to pass east from Fort of Permafrost, there would simply no way for anyone to establish an effective delivery service like that.

However, just as we were heartily laughing at the incredulity of these wild stories over our morning nettle tea, we were interrupted by word from our brethren from the far south. It turns out that in exotic Wrentmark, merchants of the Myriadian Arc have been exploring a new service idea called "The Camel Express", which would provide systematic means to deliver both goods and messages efficiently from sender to recipient even in relatively remote locations - if the price is right, of course. We were told that at full speed, which would naturally also be the most costly, the packages could pass quite a few furlongs per fortnight.

We live in interesting times, where even the wildest of notions may in fact be seriously explored in some part of the world. However, camels would not be a particularly efficient carrier for parcels outside the desert. What would reasonable Jarvonians think of this kind of a delivery service, if it would one day become reality? We asked around for opinions in a few places one could reach without skis on this delightfully warm midsummer.

Hilda, 47, a cook from Azurazera, had strong opinions when we interviewed her: "I don't see any need for a mail service," she stated. "Local produce such as cooked trout, trout soup and jelly sandwiches are still the most popular fare in our town. We use locally-sourced ingredients, and our volunteers even cook extra portions to donate to the paupers and starvelings. We look after our own kind here in Jarvonia, and have no need for any fancy imported food from the Duchy. Cooked lobster? Who wants to eat that? That's for the toffs!"

Jonas, an excavation explorer working at the Horn of Respite, provided us with an alternative viewpoint. He talked to our team in detail about his extended quest to find archaeological treasures in this desolate spot. His opinion on the rumors? "I really might do better finding these artifacts if I could import some wine from Trellin. The authentic bouquet of adventurer-stomped grapes makes it so much easier to discern the unique properties of each snowflake."

The conclusion seems to be mixed: There is mild curiosity in the intelligentsia, as seems typical when it comes to strange new ideas, while more realistic residents doing sensible things for a living understand better the practical difficulties involved. And just like when we witnessed a discussion on whether there would be any reasonable use for crystals that seem to contain the essence of the flame, the first thing people think about is trying to use the things to discover new interesting methods of intoxication. But if it would be possible, it could change everything, for example for the local man who traveled to the bog several times to hunt alligators, yet kept running out of arrows. This kind of service sounds like a truly incredulous kind of science fiction, however.

Track and Field: Shell-shocked or tortoise-rushed?

(From aquatic aficiando Squigglyruth.)

The residents of Old Arena Ruins area in Greater Duchy of Trellin-Erdwise (GDTE) have become increasingly concerned about a recent influx of ill-equipped kayakers. These recently-hatched individuals have become a frequent sight in the area within the last month.

Local residents describe adventurers embarking on the water wearing just a simple lifejacket, and brandishing a simple torch towards the surface, as though trying to summon up rewards from the deep. Some residents have claimed that they have even seen groups of young people playing with sky-discs across the seemingly placid surface. Do they not realize how dangerous it is to carry anything here if it might contain metal? Do they have no understanding of the history that is hidden in this flooded amphitheater? We could soon be seeing them wearing weighted vests instead!

What on Arenum is motivating these hapless youths? Our intrepid reporters meticulously tracked a group of them down as they shivered on the beach.

Amihan, hatched just 20 days previously, described her sense of optimism as she embarked on her quest for a tortoise egg. Standing proud and tall despite her tatty garb, she tilted her trendy running visor and told us, "I knew this was a gamble, especially because it's very odd to find a tortoise out in the water. But I just felt that I had to give it a go. I was honestly shocked to find a tortoise egg floating out there after just 21,000 strokes of the paddle. What does that tell me for my future? Not a lot - every action is a roll of the dice. That's why life is so fun!"

One of the group seemed older, sitting further away from the group, looking twitchy and somehow nervous, and occasionally muttering something about lucky rabbit foot's amulets and strange gods we had not heard of. We did not interview this one, as the younger members of the group warned us that he might be strange. But he would not be the first one to need prolonged therapy after their experiences at the Arena.

DutchBreadTopping58 (no relation to anyone in particular), 17 days hatched but a prolific stepper, told us that he had followed Amihan’s lead and set out to kayak for rare water-sport prizes before working on any of his basic skills. Sadly for this credulous youth, the gods of nature did not bless his endeavour. He has spent the last week plying the surface of the lake, and all he has to show for it is a backpack full of flax and trout. He described to us the lowest moment of his quest so far: "I was there on the lake, paddling in place and thinking about whether I had made a mistake. I had already been trying this for six and a half days, paddling at least 20,000 strokes each day. I kept emptying the weeds out of my kayak, but they just kept catching around my oars whatever I did. I guess I let my kayak fill up with trout until it was over-encumbered. Then my paddle caught on flax for a final time, and I ended up tipped into the water, with my kayak floating away on the magnetic tide. I grabbed what I could of my catch and floated to the beach. Now all that is left for me is to head back to Bilgemont Port in defeat. I should never have left Jarvonia so soon!"

We couldn’t have said it better ourselves! Why leave Jarvonia? Especially so young? Home is where the hatch is!

Epic Retrospect of the Month (ERM): TODO

TODO - stoking on heat death of the universe?

Brain Teasers: Your daily Walkdle quiz

Just as we were recovering from a recent heat wave, Xavlamin arrived with news about his scientific optimization toolkit. After growing weary of the rate of publication of new Jarvonian crossword puzzles, he has invented a new guessing game: What item am I thinking of?

This new game called 'Walkdle' involves hints on how rare it is, if it is a tool or for example worn on the head, what kind of activities it can be used to help with, and how valuable it is, for example. You get 8 guesses for the item, with feedback hints showing the similarity of the secret item compared to your item each time you guess.

Below is an example finished quiz game board that has been cleared of active spoilers, or a "Walkdle Scoredle" as Xavlamin puts it.

It indicates that in the first guess, on the first row, we managed to guess too high on the item rarity (blue, arrow down), but happened to get where it is worn and where one might find it (2 green boxes) right. We did not get what kind of activity it is good for right (1 dark box), and guessed too high on its impacts, level restrictions for its use and coin value (3 blue boxes with arrow down). On the second guess, we also managed to guess an item which shared at least one of the keywords with the secret item, but not a full match (the yellow box at the end of the second row). On the third row, the item's level restrictions and value were too low instead (blue box, arrow up). On the fourth row, all boxes were green to indicate the fourth guess was correct and the puzzle was completed.

Walkdle Scoredle example:

⬇️🟩🟩⬛⬇️⬇️⬇️⬛ 43

⬇️🟩🟩⬛⬇️⬇️⬇️🟨 3

🟩🟩🟩⬛🟩⬆️⬆️⬛ 1

🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩 1

The additional numbers on the side indicate that after the first guess, there were 43 items that could have been the correct answer based on the information we had accumulated, while the space of possibility kept narrowing down as we made more educated guesses.

If you miss a day of Walkdle, you can do it later. It is an excellent opportunity to explore your Walkpedia research notes more carefully! If you want to share your results, you can use the appointed discussion thread.

Issue 2, June 2026

Editorial

Welcome to the second issue of Not A Periodical, which is already effectively doubling our total number of publications! At this rate, we will break the records of Jarvonian crossword puzzles in no time! In the previous issue, we astutely observed a nefarious attempt from Trellin at confusing map makers that Noiseless Pass would in fact belong to Trellin. In this issue, we can be equally horrified that this claim is now also formally backed by Wallisia! Further, the Grand Duchy of Trellin-Erdwise have joyfully welcomed all the Noiseless Pass residents who wish to receive Trellin citizenship ceremoniously at a grand feast in Granfiddich. We were unable to reach Jarvonian officials for comment, as they cited a need to finish some important paperwork and mumbled something about it being bat season.

In this issue, we will continue to unveil the deep and dark secrets of the dampest of local and remote caves of power. Remember: You heard it here third!

Blackspell Port rebrands itself to Blackspell Harbour

(With help from tourism impact reporter MixHagelslag.)

In Erdwise, gentrification is well underway in its southeastern parts. Recently, Blackspell Port has declared that it shall from now on be referred to as the location that was formerly known as Blackspell Port. In our updated information, the latest name dropped is in fact "Blackspell Harbour".

The Blackspell mayor cites the desire to attract more tourists as a primary motivation for the sudden name change. The growing, trade-driven city wants to get rid of its industrial association and focus more on its natural beauty. According to the mayor, Blackspell "is more than just a shipyard built out of crates". However, our investigative journalists' experiences at the location seem to suggest otherwise. "Tourist attractions never look as pretty in the real world as in the pictures the advertisements paint, you know," we were warned. But would that mean we should cancel our staff educational trip to the pleasantly cool breeze and invigorating oases of Wrentmark? Our readers must know!

The name change has not gone entirely without friction. There seems to be disagreement about the rebranding, as the local job board has refused to change its name and still calls itself the Blackspell Port job board, citing high risk of confusing all the foreigner labour frequenting the area simply to pick up odd jobs in exchange for trying to build local connections. "What good are tourists, anyway? We just want people here who are ready to work. Keep the name the same, they are simple people, we have seen them hand in valuables for a pittance after all," commented our editorial assistant while imitating the dialect of a Blackspell resident.

Shop owners at brink of rebellion against frivolous traders

(With help from economy class investigator MixHagelslag.)

Shop owners across Arenum are in an uproar. What is the reason behind these massive merchantial misgivings? They feel that their time is wasted, and some even express in no uncertain terms that they have been "scammed" by indecisive adventures selling their wares. "What used to be a rare occurrence has happened entirely too many times now," comments one shopkeeper wishing to remain anonymous in order to not be targeted. "You get an adventurer arriving together with a clerk from the local bank, and they start listing all the things they are going to sell. We estimate and value each item they offer, and hand over a quite generous lump sum in exhcange for the items. But when it comes time to close the deal and start hauling in the goods from the bank, the client suddenly 'changes their mind' and buys everything back."

This seems like very strange behaviour indeed. Why trick a merchant with a huge sale like this and then chicken out? "They say they do it so they can experience what being a millionaire feels like," the shopkeeper reports. "It's like these adventurers don't understand what transaction costs are and how expensive labour is!"

The offending adventurers are reportedly wearing party hats, which might help prepare for a more strict trading policy. The proximity of a bank seems to also make these kinds of visitors more likely, for the simple reason that carrying around enough goods to establish a similar effect of disruption is physically unfeasible. Ultimately, the costs of wasted time and effort are borne by the other customers and the merchant themselves, and rumour has it that frustrated shop owners have gone far enough to consider forming some kind of collaborative union to battle this growing problem. Who knows, it could possibly also help to counter piracy, which is problematic for overseas goods.

"We are considering to call this initiative the Handseatic League," reveals our interviewee. "For 'Seat your hands off our goods'. This message should work for both these time wasters and pirates, we figure."

Home Alchemy: On the magnetic properties of gold

(With help from Park Chemist Agile.)

We heard a rumour that it would be possible to help clean the environment, possibly solve old crimes, and in find general meditative happiness by doing some Magnet fishing in southern GDTE. So our editorial staff, and one helpful dolphin by name of Beta, headed out with a simple magnet we got at a bargain from Quincie Cartier to see what kind of treasure we would find.

Our eyes were gleaming at old tall tales, of possibly finding a "Ring of Heroes" and completing a certain very Precious achievement with that. We learned during our trip that this was in fact not going to happen, but that fortunately it was possible to do with easier methods these days.

However, we did manage to find some other things that got us wondering. It seems that many believe in gold as a metal not being magnetic, and therefore not being possible to fish up with the help of a magnet in the way we were using it. However, we did catch more than one ring. How to explain this?

We later asked about this from a strange man we found in a shop that probably was not there the last time we visited. He seemed to want to invent some token currencies of his own and then trade our items in exchange for them. But he was most notably willing to answer strange questions with a convincing voice and impressive beard, so he made for a perfect interviewee for a serious scientific article such as this one.

The strange man explained that the reason our fishing magnet attracted the rings was due to the residual heronic energies left in the water, which affect how well fishing equipment attract all kinds of shiny things. So due to the quantum hydrodynamic properties of the aether flowing around us, the magnetic fishing equipment does manage to lure the rings out of their watery hiding places and to us.

When we tried to explain this particular aspect to our aquatic assistant Beta, it opted to splash water on us. But what do dolphins know about water sciences, after all.

Track and Field: The quest to have it all

(With help from observant sports observer Fala.)

In our previous issue, we reported on the Small Step Big Cape Club and the search for speedy achievement points. But inquiring minds want to know - what to do once that goal post is already past?

We met with two people who have learned to live with life after the big cape by focusing on collecting all the items in the game. Blueboybob cites a goal to find all items in the game, and meaningful eternal-quality crafts. Bonez565 has an additional goal to achieve all the eternal crafts as well.

At the time of writing, Bonez565 is 7th in the total steps taken. Blueboybob is at 15th. (The current top player in order of steps is anonymous in result lists, but with our extensive intelligence network we have a sneaking suspicion that it is a small ferret-like animal who might have had a slight head start to the rest of us.)

What kinds of steps are you raking in on an average day to have gotten this far?

"I average about 30,000 steps and have been playing since day 1. Currently at almost 24M steps," Bonez565 notes. Blueboybob started a year ago, is at 18 million steps currently, averaging 57000 steps a day. We see Bonez565 glancing nervously at his rear mirror at this point.

How on earth do you get so many steps? "I'm an ultra runner which is where my steps come from. I run 10-12 miles in the morning before kids wake up and 10-12 at night after kids go to sleep. During the day I am usually walking (2.2mph) on my treadmill desk. So the steps just add up. The reason I walk so much is it is my ADHD 'medicine', the constant movement helps me think and focus." What an example of turning a neurodiversity feature into a strength!

Bonez565 shows us his Walkpedia status. He is missing 4 consumables, 5 loot and 2 materials. What makes someone do this kind of thing? "I'm a completionist by nature so any missing items or items that are not at the best possible are a constant worry. With the change in crafted upgraded items to allow partial fines, now eternals are a reasonable thing to strive for. In general I only consider perfects and eternals to achieve an item. Other than that all the loot items, and collectibles are my favorites to collect. I really dislike the crafting system but it is necessary to finish the game." Aha, a dislike of crafting, well, that probably explains the few missing consumables. Maybe we can still manage to beat both players to discovering all consumables!

Blueboybob is missing some 13 skill and job chest items from his project, and notes a preference to his cook carrot pies underwater. Maybe this is all in the normal habits of superachievers? A few eternal-level spectral tools, rings and diving gear are in his remaining task list on the crafting side. Where does this motivation come from: "What made me do it? Autism. Really I love checking things off a check list and to me that was the most fun way to play. I'll probably go for consumables too, but that will be last since I use the consumables to help other places."

What is the rarest item you currently have? "Not sure. Terrifying fossil?"Not all items are possible to acquire any more, due to changes introduced over the years. For example the legendary Shell snatcher, Lava cooking pan and Tentacle crown are not attainable at this time; Bonez565 had time to get them though. It is also not possible to acquire a specific kind of Erdwise hat cosmetic for the player any more.

We received an eyewitness statement on what happened when Bonez found Timmy's lost shovel.

One question for our current challenge takers. Do you still remember the time you got the Cape of Achiever?

Blueboybob as acquired his before our achievent statistics collection started in October 2025, and notes that he does not really remember it any more. "At the time I didn't think of a big deal; it was just something in the journey." We do have a note of him maxing achievement points as the third person in the realm in May 2026, at 312 as the current max. That is a step beyond CoFA already.

Bonez565 can use memes commentary to link his CoFA to a timeline. "I think I got CoFA with the release of Timmy's sand shovel collectible." It added just enough achievement points to be able to ignore the extreme difficulty achievements, and the Cape was achieved October 2024. At the time, 183 points were sufficient for this reward - these days the Full Achievement limit is at 265 points and there are 47 collectibles that can be used to gain bonus points to dodge some specific achievements for the reward.

Epic Retrospect of the Month (ERM): The arrows point the way

In this section, we welcome excellent opportunities at entertaining and consoling our fellow readers that forgetting those crafting supplies into the bank while taking off traveling the way to the closest workbench is not such a big issue after all.

Our first retrospecter Virenaut reports, "this just in: local man brings 49 arrows to complete 50 actions at alligator hunting assuming that double action would probably proc*, not realizing that double actions also consume double inputs..."

A few moments later, he adds with pertinent illustration: "this just in: a development on the last story...local man treks through the bog to grab one arrow to finish the job before realizing that the arrows actually have a minimum level for use in alligator hunting, and the arrow grabbed did not meet the requirement."

We congratulate this highly anonymous local man on his tireless (or very tired) gator-aid efforts at keeping our marshes sufficiently safe that they are safe enough to take an acute energy nap in.

*) 'To proc' refers to the happening of an advantageous event. This new term was sufficiently interesting that our fossil-powered editorial team did not even try to translate it in-quote.

Issue 1, May 2026

Editorial

Welcome to the first issue of Not A Periodical, your ever reliable source of important and interesting news on Jarvonia and any of its neighbours or neighbour's neighbours, or neighbour's neighbour's neighbours.

Remember: You heard it here third!

Unrest at the border?

(With help from the intrepid Citizen Journalist Agile.)

Unrest at the border? Trellin claims new areas!

While the times have been dire for a long time and wars have ravaged the realms of Arenum, the border area between Jarvonia and Trellin has been known since ancient times to belong to the fine people and reindeer of the Icy North.

Recently, this eternal truth has become contested, with new editions of the map of the realm released showing Noiseless Pass strictly being claimed by Trellin!

After interviewing a random passer-by in the streets of Granfiddich, well-traveled Citizen Journalist Agile of Wrentmark has reported that the interviewee had not even heard of Jarvonia but rather tried to sell some fine wine. However, unfazed by this lack of literal sources, our history expert has formulated based on this an extremely credible theory of what has been going on.

Erdwise, rich and dominant, has been recently encroaching on Trellin to take over Warrenfield, for nefarious gentrification purposes. In response, Trellin has decided to move in on its undefended rival in the west, aiming to conquer Noiseless Pass, knowing that it will have the support of Grand Duchy of Trellin-Erdwise, and probably even of Wallisia, if Jarvonia were to resist.

When profusely thanked for these warning words, our humble source of infinite theoretical wisdom opted to remind that we must stay vigilant at all borders and defend the law-based order at all costs. "What is happening to our northern friends could happen here in the Mark." To which our investigative camel Max commented: Bwa. We believe this to mean complete and wholehearted agreement.

Upon deeper investigation by our journalistic group, it was discovered that Trellin may be actively performing infiltration and sabotage in the area. While Noiseless Pass is known for various woodcutting activities, when looking at the area carefully, there are no trees to be seen. Where have the trees gone? Or has Trellin pushed such little green trees into the area that we cannot see the forest from afar?

Biology Yesterday: Are dolphins a fish?

Syrenthian scientists living close to water life have extensively documented dolphin breeding, nurturing and social behaviour, and have found it to differ notably from other underwater creatures with back fins and no legs. Syrenthians themselves do not seem particularly keen on drawing a clear border between fish and other creatures living in water, but given the recent events where several dolphins have been seen landing on the shore after high-speed spurting, it begs the question of whether dolphins are in fact not as inherently water-based animals as fish are. After all, they do not seem to have gills, and need to come up for air regularly.

Maybe the best argument against dolphins being fish comes from the fact that unlike fish, they hatch from eggs after prolonged periods of being carried around. In this regard, they may be closer taxonomically to mummies and reindeer than most other water animals. The investigation continues on this and other important topics at our research facilities, where inspirational sweet carrot pie is plentiful and it has proudly been 5 days since the last heavyset bear visit incident.

Track and Field: The alluring call of half-achievement

(With help from our aspirational sports commentators MixHagelslag and J.)

In the Small step big cape club, adventurers come together with the challenge of achieving pediantic feats with maximal efficiency. The metric for success is minimal effort, measured in steps taken, to reach hallmarks of character development which are usually rewarded with a special cape.

In particular the Cape of Half-Achiever, or COHA for short, is reached when one has completed half of the achievements specified by the all-knowing church of Not a Cult, and the ultimate goal, Cape of Achiever, nicknamed COFA, requires completion of all the achievements. As with any good contest, there are some loopholes and shortcuts to be found to make the journey somewhat simpler, but the rules are essentially clear and the efforts hat-raising-worthy.

To make things even more fun, volunteers at the club have offered to immortalize those adventurers who successfully reach these achievements unusually efficiently. If COHA, for half-achievement, is reached before 1.1 million steps, or COFA for the full achiever status is reached before 4.5 million steps, the volunteers will name a pet in the heroic achiever's honor!

The current unofficial club records are held by Barosepha for COHA at 1.31 million steps and MixHagelslag for COFA at 5.53 million steps (total 265 achievement points). If you are wishing to beat that, put your clever running Toe shoes on and get walking with a new challenger! It is best to not wait until tomorrow, as the achievement list to cover may get longer!