Tip of the day
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Guide:Not A Periodical/Issue 1
Editorial
Welcome to the first issue of Not A Periodical, your ever reliable source of important and interesting news on Jarvonia and any of its neighbours or neighbour's neighbours, or neighbour's neighbour's neighbours.
Remember: You heard it here third!
Unrest at the border?
(With help from the intrepid Citizen Journalist Agile.)
While the times have been dire for a long time and wars have ravaged the realms of Arenum, the border area between Jarvonia and Trellin has been known since ancient times to belong to the fine people and reindeer of the Icy North.
Recently, this eternal truth has become contested, with new editions of the map of the realm released showing Noiseless Pass strictly being claimed by Trellin!
After interviewing a random passer-by in the streets of Granfiddich, well-traveled Citizen Journalist Agile of Wrentmark has reported that the interviewee had not even heard of Jarvonia but rather tried to sell some fine wine. However, unfazed by this lack of literal sources, our history expert has formulated based on this an extremely credible theory of what has been going on.
Erdwise, rich and dominant, has been recently encroaching on Trellin to take over Warrenfield, for nefarious gentrification purposes. In response, Trellin has decided to move in on its undefended rival in the west, aiming to conquer Noiseless Pass, knowing that it will have the support of Grand Duchy of Trellin-Erdwise, and probably even of Wallisia, if Jarvonia were to resist.
When profusely thanked for these warning words, our humble source of infinite theoretical wisdom opted to remind that we must stay vigilant at all borders and defend the law-based order at all costs. "What is happening to our northern friends could happen here in the Mark." To which our investigative camel Max commented: Bwa. We believe this to mean complete and wholehearted agreement.
Upon deeper investigation by our journalistic group, it was discovered that Trellin may be actively performing infiltration and sabotage in the area. While Noiseless Pass is known for various woodcutting activities, when looking at the area carefully, there are no trees to be seen. Where have the trees gone? Or has Trellin pushed such little green trees into the area that we cannot see the forest from afar?
Biology Yesterday: Are dolphins a fish?
Syrenthian scientists living close to water life have extensively documented dolphin breeding, nurturing and social behaviour, and have found it to differ notably from other underwater creatures with back fins and no legs. Syrenthians themselves do not seem particularly keen on drawing a clear border between fish and other creatures living in water, but given the recent events where several dolphins have been seen landing on the shore after high-speed spurting, it begs the question of whether dolphins are in fact not as inherently water-based animals as fish are. After all, they do not seem to have gills, and need to come up for air regularly.
Maybe the best argument against dolphins being fish comes from the fact that unlike fish, they hatch from eggs after prolonged periods of being carried around. In this regard, they may be closer taxonomically to mummies and reindeer than most other water animals. The investigation continues on this and other important topics at our research facilities, where inspirational sweet carrot pie is plentiful and it has proudly been 5 days since the last heavyset bear visit incident.
Track and Field: The alluring call of half-achievement
(With help from our aspirational sports commentators MixHagelslag and J.)
In the Small step big cape club, adventurers come together with the challenge of achieving pediantic feats with maximal efficiency. The metric for success is minimal effort, measured in steps taken, to reach hallmarks of character development which are usually rewarded with a special cape.
In particular the Cape of Half-Achiever, or COHA for short, is reached when one has completed half of the achievements specified by the all-knowing church of Not a Cult, and the ultimate goal, Cape of Achiever, nicknamed COFA, requires completion of all the achievements. As with any good contest, there are some loopholes and shortcuts to be found to make the journey somewhat simpler, but the rules are essentially clear and the efforts hat-raising-worthy.
To make things even more fun, volunteers at the club have offered to immortalize those adventurers who successfully reach these achievements unusually efficiently. If COHA, for half-achievement, is reached before 1.1 million steps, or COFA for the full achiever status is reached before 4.5 million steps, the volunteers will name a pet in the heroic achiever's honor!
The current unofficial club records are held by Barosepha for COHA at 1.31 million steps and MixHagelslag for COFA at 5.53 million steps (total 265 achievement points). If you are wishing to beat that, put your clever running Toe shoes on and get walking with a new challenger! It is best to not wait until tomorrow, as the achievement list to cover may get longer!
